Your demonstration demonstrates your belief

Your preparation demonstrates what you believe God for

Last year, I joined the morning prayer meeting that my church organizes every morning at 6 am., Pastor Uche was leading the prayer and said “the preparation shows what I believe God for”

I got struck by this particular sentence. The realization/manifestation of God’s plan for our life did not only depends on us passively believing (if such a thing exists) but our belief, our faith in God's plan in our life should lead us to prepare ourselves during the waiting period.

I have difficulties or should I say blockage concerning preparing myself. I have suffered from a lack of confidence for I do not how long. I did well at school in all the subjects that did not require me to work hard on it being convinced that I was not clever/intelligent enough and destined to fail anyway. I remember when I was in what should be the equivalent of Year 10 in England, we had to decide what A level we will choose based on the career we wanted to have. During my appointment with the career adviser, I said to her that I wanted to be a humanitarian and work with children because I wanted to make children happy, to which she replied it would be complicated so I said I would like to be a beautician to make people happy about themselves to which she agreed. When I told my main teacher about my choice, who taught science/biology, she told me she would not let me do it, as at that time in France it was thought to be for people who did not do well at school which could not do what we call Baccalaureate General (A-Level). She believed in me and I felt encouraged to study and I had good results in her subject. I did well because she believed in my abilities.

All those things to say I did not believe in my abilities or have the habit of working hard for what I wanted to achieve and one of the reasons why is that from secondary school to my late teenage year, I wanted my life to end. I was in tremendous pain which I did not understand at the time. I fell isolated as I thought I had no one to talk to, I do not think I was able to articulate how I felt at that time.

At a young age when probably children start to fantasize and develop their imagination, I developed the habit of daydreaming in order to escape from a reality I found too difficult to handle. However, even in those moments of apparent wellbeing/joy/peace that procured those daydreamed sessions where I could be whatever I wanted to be, It always ended with me being sad and broken. Now thinking about it I think I got used to the idea that things would not work out for me, that I would not succeed and I got comfortable with those ideas.

So, when Pastor Uche said “the preparation shows what I believe God for” I got struck and started to wonder what do I believe God for. do I really believe?

Yes, I do believe in God, that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, I can hear God, I can see the hand of God over my church, over my family, and over me. But I have tremendous difficulties accepting God’s love for me and even struggle when my mother or my family member tells me that they love me. I often expect something bad to happen, and I think it can trace back to my childhood and getting used to and comfortable with the idea that I could not be happy, I was supposed to pay for the sin of my predecessors and for my sins. My joy and happiness did not matter much and I learned to be happy for the success of my siblings or others being the one that would not succeed in anything.

How do you prepare for something you expect to fail? How do you prepare yourself when each time you are having a breakthrough something happens to break you down? Do I really believe God will bring me out of these cycles? Do I believe?

It is written in 2 Corinthians 5 verse 17 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” Therefore, even if sometimes we feel like things have not changed, we must hold on to His word. If we take a break from those negative thoughts and take time to think about where we were and where we are or how we used to react to certain situations compare to now, surely, we should be able to see God’s hand over us.

The second prayer point was to ask God to expose what prevent us from achieving God’s plan for our life. God has done just that or should I say has been doing just that. He pruned me and lead me to pay attention to daydreaming and bad habits. He led me to cut off some types of music, and movies, prune me from things that prevent me to obey him, to be consecrated. He showed me my weaknesses the area where I needed His grace, He led me to surrender myself to Him.

Yes surrender… easy to say right... I am not talking about partial surrender, surrounding with our lips while holding on to it ( which I have been guilty of) But total surrender which should imply acknowledging our weaknesses and admitting we need God's grace. Although it would be nice to be instantly transformed and freed from our weakness once we surrounded them to God , it is rarely the case, sometimes we have to go through pruning.

God is patient, loving, and merciful. As we are not what we were once but not yet who God called us to be. Despite the many failures, apparent breakthrough and step back, we should keep on holding on to His Word as surely He will finish the work He has started in us.

It is true we can be daunted at times to dare to believe that the plan God has for our life the word/Rhema He gives us, this seed could become more than a seed, it could become a beautiful tree that yields beautiful fruits. If only we could nurture this seed, the Word of God, prepare the ground, dig up and plant it and water it. Protect it from every bird that could feed on it and remove the bad weed surrounding it. If only we could be diligent in our work while trusting God that He would make it grow.

If only we could be faithful in what we can do who knows what it could lead to?

What to do when you feel like you are not able to nurture properly this seed?

In the amplified Bible the is an annotation in Hebrew 11 verse 1 which said " faith perceiving as real act what is not revealed to the senses".

It is ok not to feel like you can do it. In Mark chapter 9 verse 16 to 29 there is the story of man, a father whose son was possessed by a dumb spirit who said to Jesus if He could do anything, to have compassion and help them, to which Jesus replied "all things are possible to him who believes". The father's response was quite surprising as it is written in verse 24 "He cried out and said with tears " Lord I believe, help my unbelief"

Even in our unbelief God's grace and mercy are manifested..

So just start, even if you do not feel like it, just start with 5 minutes a day, start preparing for what God wants to do in your life. At the end of the day, it is not about how capable we are but how capable Our God is.